A client came to me after her partner of eleven years suffered a stroke. They’d bought a home together and raised her son together. At the hospital, she learned she wasn’t considered next of kin – the decisions went to his sister, someone he hadn’t spoken to in years.
They weren’t married. Legally, that made her a stranger.
It’s a gap that’s easy to overlook, and it has nothing to do with the strength of the relationship.
Marriage comes with built-in legal protections: spouses can make medical decisions, inherit by default, and access shared accounts. Unmarried partners don’t have those rights automatically, no matter how long they’ve been together. The good news is these protections are straightforward to put in place – they just have to be documented.
Ownership, not intention, determines outcomes. A home held in one partner’s name passes according to that partner’s estate unless a plan says otherwise. Bank accounts without joint ownership or a payable-on-death designation can be tied up right when a partner needs access to pay the mortgage or cover expenses. Retirement accounts and life insurance pass by beneficiary designation, not by will, so it’s worth confirming those forms actually reflect your wishes.
A quick note on common law marriage: most states don’t recognize it, and the ones that do set a high bar to prove it. It’s not something to rely on in place of a plan.
For unmarried couples, a solid plan typically includes a few coordinated pieces: a durable financial power of attorney, a medical power of attorney, an advance directive, a will or trust naming your partner directly, updated beneficiary designations, and a quick review of how assets are titled. Once these are in place together, they work as a system, each one covering a different piece of the picture.
The other half of the equation is keeping it current and making sure your partner knows where everything is and what to do. A plan that’s accessible and understood is what actually works when it’s needed.
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